


The Disappearing Act

by The_Bentley



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale to the rescue, Demon Summoning, Light-Hearted, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 21:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18668464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bentley/pseuds/The_Bentley
Summary: Occult information available on the internet is making life difficult for Aziraphale and Crowley.





	The Disappearing Act

**Author's Note:**

> I made some minor edits suggested by a friend. Nothing big.

Aziraphale had just opened his mouth to respond to Crowley’s inquiry about where they should have lunch when the demon abruptly vanished in a puff of grey and crimson smoke.  Not again.  This was becoming entirely too common and Aziraphale decided it was time to have a talk with Heaven about ridding the internet of such information.  Last time it had been sorority girls in Boston on Halloween who never expected the results they got.  That had been quite the inconvenience to try to untangle, being halfway across the world.

He strode over to grab his mobile off the counter, made sure it was charged enough and went back to sorting books.  The text would come in the next few hours or so.  Sending it through magical fields sometimes delayed it, but that was to be expected.  At least it _did_ get through because otherwise Aziraphale would have to spend days setting up the magic for a demon tracking spell that was touchy at best.  One mistake, then you had to start all over again.

No.  He was not going to just wait this time.  Ok, he was just going to wait, but he was going to take it upon himself to actually send a strongly worded email to Gabriel about how dangerous it was for occult information to be out there.  Someone was going to do something really stupid sometime and get their head ripped off by some extremely grumpy occult force one of these days.  Aziraphale would rather stop this nonsense before something like that happened.  It wasn’t like Gabriel would be the one having to clean up the mess.  No, he would be sitting on his ar – butt in his comfy office chair pushing paper telling Aziraphale to take care of it.  It was enough to make Aziraphale a bit vexed.

There.  He pushed “Send” and his email was zipping off through the internet to his boss.  Because these interruptions was getting very old very quickly for both him and Crowley.

He went back to shelving books fuming, very nearly cursing the whole situation.  It would be nice to know that he could actually have an entire conversation without his conversation partner being in danger of disappearing right in the middle of it.  What if this happened in public?  How would he explain _that_ to the wait staff at the Ritz?

“Oh, Mr. Crowley just had to step out a moment. Here, let me pay his bill, thank you.”

Plus Heaven never reimbursed his expenses if he had to book airline tickets to places like Manitoba when he had to go collect Crowley and clean up yet another mess.  Manitoba was just so uncivilized.  It was a wonder they had modern conveniences there.  You couldn’t even get a decent cup of tea.

Hopefully Crowley landed someplace where the moose population didn’t outnumber the human one this time.  Aziraphale shoved a book back on the shelf with a bit more force than was necessary.  After silently apologizing to it, he decided maybe he would calm his temper a bit with some tea.  All he could do was wait for that text.

And silently think uncharitable thoughts about that idiot Gabriel.

~*~*~

Once again, Crowley found himself being involuntarily transported from one location to another.  It was never a pleasant experience, feeling like your entire being was being stretched out then squashed back together again in an entirely new place.  He was thankful demons didn’t get motion sickness like humans did, or he would have ruined the brand-new-looking white carpet below his feet.

Who the fuck installs white carpet?  It just stains.  Well ok, he did, but . . . demon . . . he could go through life without staining it.  Except with Ligur’s remains, but that was different. 

He looked over the young girl who stood surprised in front of him just outside of the blue glow holding him in the small area he occupied.  She appeared to be about fifteen and clearly going through some kind of occult/goth/whatever teenagers called it these days kind of phase.  Crowley never paid much attention to children.  He had better things to do than deal with undersized humans.  He had gotten his fill of those with his adventures involving the Antichrist.

“Congrats.  You got the spell right.  Now just tell me where I happened to land this time.”

“You’re English?” she asked dumbly in an accent that sounded like it came from London.  Good.  Maybe he didn’t take too far of a trip.

“No, not really.  But you pick up accents if you live somewhere for thousands of years.”  Crowley sighed.  “Just give me the address of where we are and don’t start spouting off any crap because I’m not granting you wishes or whatever you think might happen.”

Surprised by the vitriol coming from the magical circle, the girl did what he asked, giving him an address not too far from his own Mayfair flat.  Good.  He wouldn’t be waiting here for days for rescue.

With that information, he pulled his mobile out of his pocket and composed a text to Aziraphale.  Then he sat down to wait, choosing to ignore the girl.  He buried his nose in his mobile instead.

She attempted conversation.  “Umm . . . nice leather jacket.”

“Thanks.  I created it out of raw firmament.”

“What’s with the sunglasses?”

With a smile that was entirely too full of teeth, Crowley slid them down far enough to offer her a glimpse of his golden snake-slitted eyes.  She couldn’t get out of the room fast enough.  Pleased with the new silence, he went back to the game he had started to play.

~*~*~

The mobile in his waistcoat pocket vibrated.  Only two hours this time.  That wasn’t too bad all things considered.  Aziraphale pulled up Crowley’s text, smiling in relief.  Local this time and a short bus ride over there.  He considered taking the Bentley, but not only did he not know how to drive except through magical means, Crowley would probably discorporate him for daring to touch his baby.  Bus it was.  Mostly because it was impolite to just pop oneself into a human’s dwelling.  He wasn’t a _demon_ , after all; angels had manners.  He’d feel guilty enough for having to essentially trespass to get Crowley out.

Luckily for Aziraphale, buses always arrived right when he needed one.  He was on his way, getting in there in barely enough time to get much reading done.  He stepped off, checked the address again and headed around to the back to enter using that door.  This time it was unlocked, which help ease his guilt a little more.  He really hated having to enter locked dwellings.

His sudden appearance in the kitchen resulted in a panicked, screaming teenage girl.  She stood there in her all-black clothes, flailing her arms and screeching at the top of her lungs, her “occult” jewelry jangling as she did so.  The surprised angel almost jumped out of his skin. Attempts to quiet her were spectacularly unsuccessful.  She just kept screeching.

“No need to be alarmed, my dear.  I’m not going to hurt you.  I’m just here to collect a friend.  Nothing more.  Ok, you’re not listening to me, are you?”  With a sigh, he snapped his fingers and she collapsed unconscious.

Aziraphale caught her before she hit the floor, then carried her into the next room to lay her gently on the couch.  He carefully pulled the blanket he found folded neatly on a nearby chair over her.  Oops, almost forgot to modify her memory a bit.

“You will forget that you did something as stupid as try to capture a demon and instead believe that you fell asleep here on the couch.  You will dream about whatever makes you the happiest.  Oh, you’ll also forget all this occult nonsense and strive to do better in school.” 

He irritably thought the little idiot was lucky she didn’t summon Hastur or some other Duke of Hell.  Crowley was positively harmless compared to those monsters. 

“Crowley!  Where are you?” he called out.

“Upstairs!  In the girl’s bedroom!”

Aziraphale nearly sprinted up the stairs, feeling relief now that this was soon to be over.  He located the bedroom where Crowley was stuck in the shimmering translucent circle, looking awfully put out by the entire situation.  It took him several minutes to perform the complicated hand gestures that would counter the spell and free the demon.  The circle collapsed; Crowley walked out of it.

“You all right, my dear?”

“Yes, I am.  But this has _got_ to stop, angel.”

“I send an email to Gabriel.  We’ll see what he says.”

“Not a damn thing.  He probably thinks it’s funny that I get caught up in these circles.”

Crowley changed their world with a thought.  They were now standing in the bedroom above the bookshop, a sly smile on the demon’s face.  He moved his arms in a manner that told Aziraphale that he was working magic again.

“There.  Problem solved.  All summoning spells are gone from the internet.  Should have done that months ago.  If Gabriel wants to smite me, he can be my guest and fly his lazy arse down here to do just that.”

Aziraphale tried his best to look horrified.  “That last comment wasn't necessary, my dear.” 

But it was difficult to be mad when Crowley was nibbling at his ear while sliding a hand up under his waistcoat.  “Really, angel?  Now I think I need to reward my rescuer.”

The two of them fell gently to the bed, kissing, groping and undoing buttons on each other’s shirts.  As much as he wasn’t going to miss having to save Crowley constantly, he was going to miss collecting his reward.

**Author's Note:**

> Any opinions expressed about Manitoba are strictly Aziraphale's and not the view of the author's. :) Really, I just chose Manitoba because it was the first sparsely unpopulated area outside of Europe that popped into my head and we know from the book that Aziraphale Has Views on what parts of the world are "civilized" and what aren't (Australia comes to mind).


End file.
